Below are a few suggestions to tighten the piece further and increase its readability and impact, especially if it’s aimed at public health awareness or educational publication:
Minor Edits & Style Suggestions
1. Opening Hook
Current:
“There’s a tiny parasite quietly spreading across the globe…”
Suggestion:
Consider leading with a more urgent or empathetic tone:
“Millions itch in silence every year, misdiagnosed or ignored. The cause? A microscopic parasite burrowing under your skin: Sarcoptes scabiei, or scabies.”
This immediately centers the human experience and creates urgency.
2. Consistency in Tone
You alternate between clinical (“Sarcoptes scabiei”) and casual (“itch like crazy”). That mix works, but keep it consistent within paragraphs. For example:
Instead of:
“These spots often itch like crazy…”
Try:
“These spots can cause relentless itching, often worst at night.”
3. Clarify Diagnostic Timelines
You say:
“Symptoms may not show up for 4 to 6 weeks after contact…”
Add this nuance earlier to help readers understand why they may not connect the rash to exposure.
4. Image Descriptions
Make sure your alt text or image captions are concise and helpful. If this is a digital post, a more compact image caption might be:
“Red bumps and burrow lines from scabies mites between the fingers — a common early sign.”
That’s tighter than:
“Hand with many red spots on skin from scabies. The bumps and lines on the wrist and hand show what happens when tiny mites dig under your skin.”